Musings of A Lover

I am the sadness in the joy ...

I am the stranger's lonely glance ...

I am the undiscovered land ...

I am the single grain of sand ...

I am the world you will never see ...

I am the truth you will never know ...

I am the place you will never go ...

I am the sound you will never hear ...

I am the course you will never steer ...

I am the spirit in the sky ...

I am the twinkle in her eye ...

If these lines fail to express clearly the pain within, the sea of sentiments within, the hollow within, I know not what will. Sure, these are not my lines, these are the lyrics of Gin Soaked Boy from Divine Comedy, but they come agonizingly close to expressing my heart's deepest feelings ...

I am the sadness in the joy ...

I am happy ... yet I am sad ... in joy I am the sadness ... there is happiness, then there is sadness. Joy brings sadness, and sadness gives way to joy ...

I am the stranger's lonely gl ance ...

I am a stranger to everybody ... nobody really understands ... and the one who I feel understands is the one who plays a sweet game of hide and seek ... when she shows her care, I feel no one could care better; and sometimes the attitude is simply go to hell ...

I feel like a person glancing into emptiness ... not knowing what will happen, and what is right ... there are so many thoughts inside that I prefer to be silent, for want of proper words to express them ...

I am the undiscovered land ...

Nobody knows the real me ... I am undiscovered by anybody ... nobody knows what exactly I am, what exactly I feel, what exactly I want ...

One might say that what exactly I want I must tell, but I do not want to ... I want that special someone to feel what is inside ... if you want to argue that this is my fault, I admit; it is my fault ... that is just how I am, and I won't change ...

I want to be discovered, I want to let that someone i nto my territory I call my thoughts, my heart, my mind ...

I am the single grain of sand ...

Sand is united as well as disintegrated ... each grain looks and feels exactly the same, but is a unique entity ... and so am I ...

I am the grain of sand who is surrounded by other grains, yet am lonely ... yet am sad .. I am surrounded by people who profess they love me, that they care for me, that they understand me ... yet I feel they are lying. I feel that there is only one who does really understand me, who does really care for me, who does really love me ...

I am the world you will never see ...

I am a world in myself, as are you and as is everybody else. To unravel this world, to see this world, you must fully understand me, you must love me, you must hear my unspoken word ...

I am not open to everybody ... I do not let any and every one see this world within ... those in contact with me, my acquaintances, they may catch glimpses of this wo rld, but they can not see everything. They can not see THROUGH me...

There will be only one who I will allow to see THROUGH me, and who, without my consent, will possess the power to do so. That someone will be the only one for me... that someone will be the only one I will show my world inside ... the love ... the pain ... the joy ... the sorrows ...

I am the truth you will never know ...

Nobody in the world can say that he is always true to everybody. I wouldn't say that either. My public face is different from my private one. I may reveal parts of my true self to a select few, but only parts. The complete, full me is revealed only to one person. I am not going to reveal my true self to anybody other than that one person.

I am the place you will never go ...

We all like to travel. Colorful, vibrant, mesmerizing places interest us immensely. Nobody likes to visit a dull and drab place. A place which promises no adventure. A place which promises no thrill.

I am also one such place. I am a place you will not find joy unless you really know what joy is. Joy comes from understanding. Joy comes from loving. Joy comes from caring. Joy comes from sharing. If you did not understand the full purport of these sentences, you will not understand what real joy is.

Real joy stems from the heart. If you think being surrounded by people who apparently care for you, apparently, not really; is joy ... you are wrong.

So, I, and my heart, are not the places you might want to go ...

I am the sound you will never hear ...

I am a quiet person. I do not like to argue. I do not like to pick up fights. If you make me feel bad, I will not tell you that you made me feel bad. I will cry within, but I will not let you know that you made me feel bad.

If I let you know that you hurt me, you will feel bad yourself. I do not want you to feel bad, never!

You do not believe my word. It hurts me. But I will n ever tell you. I will feel bad, I will cry as to why this is the case, but I will not tell you. May be, just may be, by talking you would understand. And may be, if I tell you, you will feel bad. The chances of the latter happening are more, and I do not want you to feel bad, ever!

There always will be a few things I would like you to know on your own, and there will be a few things you would like me to know on my own. If we fail to understand those few things, let us together make each one of us understand, in order for our relationship to be complete.

I am the course you will never steer ...

Due to my being different from others, you will find navigating through me a bit difficult. You will have difficulties understanding me, and you will have problems knowing what I want.

So you might not want to know me. You might not want to come my way.

But let this not deter you. I want you to know me, I want you to understand me, I want you to have your say in my life, and I will help you in every possible way I can so you do not encounter any difficulties doing this.

I am the spirit in the sky ...

Vasudhaiva kutumbakam ... The world is my home. I am the spirit in the sky; I can rest anywhere I want, all world is my home.

I believe in nature. I believe I am free. I believe everybody is free. I can not force anybody to know me, understand me, love me. It has to come from within.

As it does in me. This also means that you can not stop me from loving you. You can not stop me from not marrying anyone else because I love you. You can not stop me from living alone in tribute to my love for you.

I pray. For myself, my family, the world. And I pray for you, your family. I believe what He does is right, whether we feel it otherwise. He knows better.

Do not think I will be alone. Your thoughts, your memories, shall forever be with me.

I am the twinkle in her eye ...

I wish to lead a fru itful life. I want to do something for my love. And I have some plans. I want to do something so that she will always remember me when I die.

I want to do something which would go on even after my death. My exact plans I can not reveal here; but I have a draft. I told you what I intend to do, did I not? But you do not believe.

I want to do something for her which will make her feel proud that she knew me... the way I am proud that I know her ... I want to do something which would tell her how much I love her ...

She does not believe my word, so I want to so something to prove my love for her ... for actions speak louder than words, and she has shown multiple times that she believes in this sentence.

I want to live as the twinkle in her eyes.

Once again, I want to say much more, but the thoughts are hazy ... will say more when I am more clear ...

Shubhanyu Jain is the co-founder of Inmistia and the Editor of Inmistia Oneness. His site provides valuable information and tips on health-related issues. This site touches various topics related to personal health, suggests tips for various health disorders. Visitors will revel in the sheer abundance of information available on the site on everything related to their health. Visit Inmistia Oneness for more information.

Author:: Shubhanyu Jain
Keywords:: Thrupthi, Shubhanyu, Inmistia, inditing experts, musings of a lover
Post by History of the Computer | Computer safety tips